I’m just listing 10 things here because I find these things sum up my attitudes in many ways AND I seriously doubt that you all are interested in the 10 brazilian (how many is a brazilian??? sorry inside joke, but one too too funny to pass up) things I actually know about me.
1. I loathe carrying anything heavier than a shopping bag. I am carrying enough of my own emotional baggage -- (and I will tote it by myself, thank you, and take complete responsibility for it -- ok, unless I trust you completely and believe you really love me and want to and can sincerely help with it OR it’s ‘that time of the month’ (and yes, I generally hate the ‘that time of the month’ excuse or any other excuse that somehow minimizes the strength/intelligence/stability of a woman based on her gender, but I cannot deny or destroy the simple fact that hormones do have some effects on my life -- I crave sweets mixed with salty stuff (and I don’t even like salt...Rosa’s tortilla chips with peanut butter and dark chocolate M&Ms -- yum -- I’m just saying...) like an addict craves a fix and hormones certainly effect my willingness to communicate my feelings) -In which case I may suddenly or slowly unload all my emotional baggage on you unpredictably and/or adamantly refuse to share anything at all just to keep you on your toes AND I also will not be carrying anything larger than my wallet during that time either ;) -- I feel it is unfair and ridiculous for me to have to carry physical baggage. I do not like to touch my own luggage (once it is properly packed --rolled not folded clothes, just so you know) and do not care to carry in groceries (just one of the reasons why it’s important that you be able to provide your own meals to be a part of my life) or any other purchases that I do not see as fun, great, wonderful stuff for me or maybe even for you. If I randomly decide you (or I) need new cool glassware, some great shoes or boots, a wonderful necktie you’ll never wear, a collection of memorabilia for some team or other person/thing you’re an avid fan of, a CD collection of some random band - most likely one that you, or even I, mentioned in passing in conversation or all the seasons of Seinfeld (or more likely a much lesser known show that I was once reminded of because of something you said or even didn’t say during a conversation) on DVD, I would carry any of these things even if it took more than one shopping bag to accommodate them. (Yes, that list of things is indicative of the kinds of things I will shop for, search for, hunt for, stumble across and buy for absolutely no reason whatsoever other than the fact that I am fascinated by things like that.) OH...and books...I will carry books...In fact, if I were homeless, I’d carry books around in my box/house all day to avoid having to get rid of books...SO, the one sure way to make me happy, happy, happy is to offer to carry my books for me -- I only own something like 550 (and counting) books...
2. I don’t cook... not very much anyway. But I am really good at it. And I really like cooking. I, however, HATE cleaning up afterward. I also do not like to cut up vegetables, clean anything that inadvertently gets on the cabinets or floors while I am preparing a meal or even carry my empty plate back to the kitchen when I’m done eating what was no doubt a fabulous concoction that I worked my butt off to create. So, while I would cook for a man (one that adores me and/or thinks every crazy, irrational and sarcastic thing I do/say is what makes me so darn irresistible ) or a friend (and by friend, I mean REAL friend, someone who I would trust to want to take care of me when I was old or drunk OR old & drunk and someone who has done something at least once for me that they probably wouldn’t do for anyone ever again) or anyone else I might feel inclined to impress (so, basically no one.) I shall clean for no one -- other than possibly myself if I can’t bring myself to just throw the damn dishes in the trash (yes, there’s clearly a reason I own so few dishes, pots & pans, and other kitchen utensils AND must buy new ones every time I move into a new house.) SO, if you need someone else to provide food for you, you probably shouldn’t come to me or count on me. I only make sure the damn dog is fed every single day because hauling his dead carcass out of here would completely gross me out, he’s thrilled -- I mean chase your tail, leap up and down, make that crazy happy growly kind of noise thrilled -- to eat the exact same thing every single day, which conveniently comes in a bag, I never have to wash his bowl AND he LOVES me UNCONDITIONALLY.
3. I am fashionably late a lot. I do NOT believe that my time is more valuable or important than yours (although it very well may be,) but I do loathe waiting. If you listen carefully, you will actually notice that I really am not late all that often. I rarely, if ever, say I will be somewhere at an exact time. I have perfected the use of -ish. i.e.,...I will meet you 12:15ish for lunch. I will probably be there 10ish. (Once people catch on to and become peevish about my using -ish, I will often alternate to the also oft-used ‘or so’...I will be done with this in 20 minutes or so) ...I, however, do not believe that you should arrive -ish any time you want. Just tell me when you are going to be late-ish SO I do not have to be kept waiting. I have not been a WAIT-ress because I do not WAIT on other people or for other people -- I do not do waiting well! If you make me wait, I will not be happy. Please do not be shocked if I get crabby, cruel or even gone-ish if you make a habit of making me wait. By the way, there are some people in my life who are absolutely worth waiting for, however I won’t release that list. If you’re on it, you probably know who you are. If you don’t, DON’T MAKE ME WAIT!
4. I N-E-V-E-R do dishes without gloves. I N-E-V-E-R want other people in the bathroom with me. I can elaborate on this, but frankly don’t see a real need.
5. I am fiercely independent, except when I’m not. There are absolutely things that I want help with. The problem being I absolutely do NOT want to ASK for help with these things. I do not like to ask for help...E-V-E-R. I do like help -- with some things. And by help, I technically mean you are actually going to do it for me, not tell me how to do it or --excessively worse -- tell me how I should have done something. Help means you are going to do it instead of me having to do it. Knowing what I want help with is not easy. There was a time in my not-too-distant past that I had to ask for help with pretty much every single everyday activity. As an adult if anything ever happens to you where you have to ask someone else to help you shower, help you dress, help you eat, help you go to the bathroom, help you with practically every thing that anyone over the age of 3 years can for the most part do for themselves, it makes the ability to not need other people’s help a real source of pride and strength and independence. When you give up the power to do anything for yourself for a period of time, asking anyone to do something for you after that time gives you a strange feeling of powerlessness. This is not to say that I don’t let waiters, concierge, bartenders, bellmen, etc. help me. But they are getting paid to help me and I don’t actually know them. And besides it’s their job (and I am selfless enough and a good enough citizen to allow these people, as well as my manicurist, the girl who threads my eyebrows, the maintenance man who changes my lightbulbs, etc. to do so for me because I believe it stimulates the economy and keeps people out of the unemployment line. AND please notice I didn’t say I have proof that it is great for the economy, just that I believe it). I really am independent and really like to do many things for myself. Anything that I am capable of doing --that doesn’t require me to lift anything larger than a shopping bag -- I almost always want to do for myself. I know how I like things done. I am confident that I know how to do most things right -- or at least right for me, even if it’s not the way you’d do it -- BUT...There are things I do not know how to do, which I also do not want to ever know how to do. However, I have a severe hang up about asking other people to help me or do anything for me. So...if you want to help me, just help me. Don’t wait for me to ask you to help me because chances are I simply will not. I guess I just feel like the best kind of help to get is help that is offered and not asked for and it doesn’t in any way diminish my independence if you choose to help me because it’s what you WANT to do for me and not what I NEED you to do for me.
6. I am very affectionate AND have extreme personal space issues. Yes, this does make getting physically close to me somewhat challenging. I LOVE hugs. I simply may not love hugs from certain people. Here’s the simple rule: If you don’t know me well enough to believe you know how I would respond to a hug from you, don’t hug me!
7. Lifelong learning may very well be the best/sexiest/most impressive thing ever. This fact is especially important if you want to be in my life -- for at least two reasons... 1) I get bored easily and so once I know you I need to know you will keep learning new things so that there will always be more to learn from you. 2) I am myself a lifelong learner and a complete -- or probably more accurately an incomplete -- puzzle AND so being a part of my life means you like learning new things about me. In fact, you may very well be able to avoid learning anything else (although I wouldn’t recommend it because even I get sick of me -- rarely, but sometimes ;) If I am bored and you are able to tell me great things about me, which I may have forgotten or chosen to ignore, or you are able to know me well enough to know how to keep me from being bored I will find you very interesting and learned. Several very essential things about me have not changed in 30 years or so, but other than those things, you may very well have to be constantly learning to keep up with the me I am (I know there are days when I have trouble keeping up with ME.) Another thing you might want to learn is how to love me as much as I love me OR actually as much as I want to love me -- and to learn the difference between those two things. And, finally, you should learn some things that make me believe that you know things that I don’t know and may indeed never truly be able to completely comprehend (think quantum physics, brain surgery, ok, and honestly most anything that has to do with algebra or how mechanical things that I have no interest in fixing actually work.) However, I don’t want to think I don’t know YOU -- this is an important thing to learn about me that isn’t likely to ever change. I want to know YOU (authentically IF we are going to be close) and if I feel like I can’t learn enough about you to truly know you -- and still love, trust and respect you -- then I won’t care how much you know. Seriously, I LOVE learning and am impressed, inspired, interested in anyone who makes an honest effort to keep learning throughout their entire life! And am also impressed, inspired and frankly awed by anyone who made it through #7 and feels they know what it’s about and has learned a thing or two.
8. I have stranger danger issues. I am not sure where this comes from or how to resolve it, but in general, I distrust and/or suspect anyone who I do not know who is over the age of, hmmm, let’s say 7, until I get to know them. And, yes, this does make it hard to get to know new people, which in all honesty, I generally find enjoyable. I most often meet people through other people I know. The theory here is simple. If I know and trust someone and they know and trust the other person, then the person is probably worth knowing and at least moderately trustworthy. Additionally, IF the person knows/has known you for any period of time and they haven’t tried to hurt or kill you, then why would they try to hurt or kill me? That being said, I like new people -- I have even taken to calling them ‘new people’ and not ‘psycho strangers,’ which is clearly a step in the right direction. It’s just best that if you don’t know me well and you approach me that you are aware that my first reaction to your ‘strange’ advances is not necessarily a reflection on you -- although if lots of people are reacting to you the way I am you may want to check yourself -- but is more likely my general stranger danger hang-up kicking in. IF you think I am worth knowing, I would suggest that you approach me in the same manner you would a wild animal: Pay attention. Stay calm. I may indeed attack if I feel threatened (I may also be able to be distracted by shiny things...especially if those shiny things come in the oh-so-fabulous little blue box from Tiffany’s). If I appear wild or agitated, back away slowly and quietly. Running (or acting in any way that I may interpret as unintelligent, uninteresting or dishonest) may stimulate my need to attack. AND by all means, and probably most importantly, always give me an easy route to get away from you. (And yes, I will admit I googled ‘approaching a wild animal’ and re-wrote it to fit my needs -- and sadly, it required very little re-writing.) I am working on my ‘stranger danger’ issues -- I am. BUT I can honestly say although I realize there are definite negatives to having this irrational fear, that the people who do manage to get close to me have made themselves very worthwhile in my eyes by simply having the perseverance, patience and good sense (and often great sense of humor) to take the time and make the effort it takes to get close to me. Wild animals are fascinating behind the bars at the zoo, but my dearest friends have at least some idea what it’s like to get past the bars and throw their arms around a tiger’s neck (or an elephant or a monkey or some other wild beast -- depending largely on my mood that day.)
9. I appreciate honesty!!! I understand discretion and am working on tact, but HONESTY...HONESTY I LOVE! Honesty is at times a bit harsh, but the world isn’t all sunshine and roses and accepting the bad makes you appreciate the good. I really do prefer the ugly truth to a beautiful lie. I believe I appreciate honesty so because in my life I have learned that the real thing is always better than anything fake. (And yes, I do believe this applies to jewelry, cheese, sweeteners and especially friends.) I think a lot of loving the truth has come with some important realizations of truth that have had an impact on my life. For example, important truth #1: Not everyone likes me and I am not going to like everyone and that is completely ok. #2 If I pretend to be something I am not in order to make someone like me, then they don’t really like me; they like what I am pretending to be. #3 If I choose to be honest, then at least when someone likes me or doesn’t like me, I know for sure that they’ve made that judgement based on the real me. So, please do not ever pretend to like me if you don’t. I would much rather have someone tell me that they genuinely hate me than to have someone pretend to like me and then later find out I’ve invested my time and effort in possibly caring about someone who doesn’t actually care enough about me to be honest with me. I, in fact, believe that the best way to show someone that you really do care about them, respect them and their intelligence and who they are, and want to have some real friendship or connection to them is to make an effort to always be honest with them. I don’t think you have to share every detail of every thought you ever have (although that’s really not evident from the way I randomly go on and on -- shockingly (OR maybe not ) I have had literally millions of thoughts I don't/haven't shared) but I do think you owe it to the people in your life to be REAL -- even if sometimes they are really annoyed by that. I have learned that sometimes telling the truth will put me in an awkward position, it will cause me to lose things I may have really wanted to hold on to, and that it is sometimes really hard to deal with the consequences of your honesty, but dealing with whatever those consequences may be is much, much easier than living a life that is a lie. In the interest of full disclosure and complete honesty, obviously, I am going to have to admit that I’ve lied. Of course, I have. Everyone has. BUT my point about honesty is that it’s absolutely best to choose to be honest and be aware of the unnecessary problems, worries, concerns, obsessions, paranoia associated with dishonesty that can be avoided if you simply choose to be true. There are a couple of things I find really interesting about the truth -- ok, I find many, many, many things interesting about the truth but I’m going to focus on a couple or five. One thing I find interesting is that people tend to think I’m funny -- and while that sounds completely arrogant, it isn’t. People have actually told me that I am funny. And I’m sure I’ve saved the evidence of that somewhere if you don’t believe me. By the way, honestly...I am funny (and I am also very aware that funny means many things including absurd, amusing, clever, goofy, ludicrous, odd, silly, whimsical and witty which may not all be positive and the negative may in fact be what people mean when they say I am ‘funny’) -- But I think it is interesting that the things people seem to find the funniest are just the simple truths that I express. The truth is funny. Life is funny. Life is funny-haha, funny-strange, funny-weird, funny-insane, funny-bizarre, funny-incomprehensible and just plain funny...And the more truth that I have in my life, the funnier it is -- and the more fun it is. Another thing I find interesting about the truth is that it seems like a lot of people have a really hard time being honest with the people they are supposed to care the most about. I am not that way at all. In fact, I can much more easily lie to the stranger in the parking lot asking me if I have a dollar I can spare -- and actually I usually don’t because I rarely, if ever, have cash and really if I do have a dollar and say I don’t I do feel a bit guilty -- than to ever tell a lie to someone who I respect, admire, genuinely like, trust or love. I may at times not say something to someone who I have these feelings about if they don’t solicit the information, but overwhelmingly given the opportunity to be honest with someone I will be. SO, if you don’t want to know what I REALLY think, DO NOT ASK. I am working on not spewing my opinions/thoughts/truths on people who don’t asked to be showered with them...BUT if I am honest with you - even if it isn’t always incredibly pleasant - the fact of the matter is that I probably respect, admire, like, trust, and/or love you too much to lie to you. Another interesting thing that I’ve learned about the truth is the more that I strive to be honest, true, and real, the easier it is and the more I appreciate the truth from others. One of the guiding principles in my life is to live deliberately and authentically and the only way to accomplish that is to live my truth every single day. I think I have the courage to be honest, and embrace honesty, and love living honestly because I was raised with unconditional love (the greatest gift my parents ever gave me and one I realize more and more that very few people ever got or can even grasp.) I know now and knew then that no matter what I did, no matter how ugly the truth of what I did was, that my family might not necessarily agree with me, but that they were going to love me. And for me that’s what honesty is all about. If I can trust you to be honest about the meal we had, or the clothes I’m wearing, or a book you’ve read, or a movie we saw, or what you like and dislike, or what you believe, or the way you feel about a current event or a critical moment in your life or mine, at some point I will know that I can trust you to be honest when you say how you feel about me.
10. My name is Melanie. Not Mel. I do not dislike the nickname Mel. I am, in fact, very very fond of it. The sound of it on certain people’s lips quickens my heart, makes me smile and brings the warm, uncomplicated comfort of home. BUT there are times when I just don’t feel like certain people should call me Mel. I am not at all fond of people using this nickname that are only casual acquaintances. I somehow feel like nicknames are for people you have a close personal relationship with. I understand that the temptation is to shorten someone’s name to simplify things or save time...But I doubt you’d call the Queen of England ‘Liz’ the first time you met her. Or that you’d feel comfortable referring to Barak Obama as Prez after just having an opportunity to shake his hand in a meet and greet line. I suppose I don’t deserve the respect that those two do (however, if you knew me well enough to call me Mel, you might understand that I indeed do or at least understand that I need to feel like you think I do)...SO...Save the nicknames for those you’re close to, otherwise I may just assume you’re too lazy to utter the two extra syllables it takes to call me by my given name -- and laziness is not an attractive quality for my friends (if you’re lazy how will I ever convince you to carry things for me ;) and if you can only manage to utter one syllable and we aren’t close you can call me Queen...also one syllable, but not overly familiar ;) So, maybe it’s hard to know if you should call me Mel, if so, follow these simple rules: If you have never met at least a couple of members of my family, don’t call me Mel. OR If you have never met at least two of my closest friends, don’t call me Mel. OR If you and I don’t hug, then don’t call me Mel. If you’ve read this whole list of 10 things without being completely disgusted and it made you laugh and you still believe you could love me, or hell, even really like me, you can probably call me Mel.
P.S. I am not in any way suggesting that these things about me are perfect, great and wonderful. I am not saying you should try to feel, think, believe or be like me in any way. I am saying that this is who I am and that I hope that by reading this and realizing who I am is at times pretty ridiculous that you find a way to really know & love who you are. I like being different. I am in no way saying I think you should be more like me -- What I guess I’m really trying to say is that -- I hope you learn to be more like YOU!!!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
10 Things...My New Blog...and FIVE of the reasons I’m writing 10 Things...
- I’ve always felt like I HAVE TO write to be happy, to be whole, to be who I am...I have at times throughout my life abandoned my writing and looking back I realize that those are also times that I abandoned my true self. I am writing this blog because I LOVE to write...AND...
- I am finally to a place where I have the courage, confidence and clarity about who I am to share what I write. I have throughout my life shared my writing with others (sometimes in personal letters, sometimes in assignments, sometimes in glorious rants, and sometimes even in my facebook status.) Most recently, I shared my random thoughts and musings by creating a travel blog as I ventured out on the first leg of the Queen’s Travel Tour. I loved sharing my journey and I loved knowing that other people had a sense of where I was going and how travel changes and impacts people even when they weren’t able to actually physically travel along with me. I’ve been urged by friends to write a book (And yes, I do have some friends who are crazy...Have you met me??? What other kind of friends would I have? ;) By the way, I also have friends who are fabulous!!!) However, as much as the idea of writing a book appeals to me, I don’t have an editor, a publisher, or the funds and time to spend pursuing those things right now...BUT...I do have a laptop and access to the World Wide Web...SO, I decided that now that I know that I am secure with who I am and how I am AND that being liked or disliked doesn’t change me, I feel really ready to share.
- AND NO, I don’t think that everything I have to say is too important to be missed (although I do like to imagine that the vast majority of it is ;) Truthfully, much of what I say probably isn’t incredibly important or tremendously ingenious ...BUT...I also think that if by sharing openly and honestly what I think, feel, and believe, I can have a positive impact on even one person’s life then it’s worth doing. AND I’ve come to the point where ‘positive impact’ may just mean that I made you laugh -- even if you’re just laughing at me!
- So...Why 10 Things...Well, those of you who know me, have ever had a lengthy conversation with me, and/or tried to follow along with my ‘tangential free-form writing’ (that’s the fancy term for random rambling that I learned when browsing one day at B&N) know that focus is not exactly my strong suit... On a scale of 1-10 of randomness, I rank somewhere up around 33,567...AND (I am going to give credit here to what probably inspired the idea of 10 things the most because although I am not stealing this idea OR plagiarizing in any way -- plagiarism is cheating and lying and WRONG -- I was inspired by a list in an author’s book which helped me find a way to focus my writing energies.) I was reading one of Jen Lancaster’s books (-- She has 4. They are all fabulous! I highly recommend them!!! --) and she had a list called the Jen Commandments (super clever, huh? -- damn, just this once I wish my name was Jennifer) in which she outlines 10 things about herself. I decided I’d try to do the same thing (and obviously not call them any kind of commandments because it simply wouldn’t work with my name.) It was a fun way for me to write and sort of stay on topic (Of course the first topic was ME...SO, needless to say I had lots to say...And the ramblings aren’t completely void of randomness -- I’ll post them eventually, you’ll see)...AND so, the idea of TEN THINGS was born...
AND then...
5. I started realizing that if I could use the idea of 10 things to keep me focused (somewhat) I could surely come up with 10 Things I know/believe/think about lots of different things...life, honesty, friendship, grief, teaching, travel, things that should be common sense - but aren’t, ME (and/or anything else that someone suggests that I can figure out 10 things about)...BUT the main reason that I am writing 10 Things is that they are 10 gazillion things I don’t know (however, the fact that gazillion is NOT a real world is NOT one of those things -- I’m using it for effect...I make lots of errors and sometimes invent words...If you’re going to read and enjoy my blogs -- get over it!) There are lots and lots and lots of things I do NOT know. Some of them are things I do not care to know (this is also a list I will probably publish at some time -- 10 things I now know and wish I didn’t) and some are things that I hope to learn. And I hope that through writing I learn a lot of these things. I know that throughout my life I have learned a lot of things. I have been taught by many great “teachers” both outside and inside of classrooms, but I’ve also learned that I really learn and really know when I really share what I’ve learned and what I know. AND, learning and loving and growing and laughing and knowing are the things that matter to me...AND are the things I want to share!!!
SO...I hope you enjoy 10 Things...
The plan is to start posting soon and to do so as erratically and unpredictably as possible ;) ...
P.S... If there are 10 random things you want my thoughts about or even 1 thing you want to know my 10 random thoughts about or if there is 1 or 10 questions you’d like me to answer, PLEASE send these things my way. If you’re going to read this, I figure at least occasionally it could be about things you actually want to know/read about. AND, I think having the opportunity to communicate doesn’t mean just my writing on and on about all I think, BUT also about listening...And responding...And listening...And responding...And together learning from the exchange!
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